Posted in Love

Reflecting on the Past 2 Years

Have you ever just sat quietly and reflected on your life?  I’m sure most everyone has at some point, and to some degree. I am one of those people that does this a lot! I like to sit and think about stuff, because I have an inquiring mind….I want to know. LOL.

This past Sunday afternoon, the Lord had me to sit, reflect and review the past 2 years of my life.  Before I get into what all He led me to do, I should explain “why” the past 2 years specifically, and why they are significant in this post.

On January 4, 2017, I left a 16+ year marriage to a husband that loved alcohol more than me.  How I got to that place is another story in itself. But for this post, once I made the decision to get out, the Lord helped me to do so.  He made a way where I couldn’t see a way until I stepped out in faith.  Once I got to my new location, I spent the first month or two, just learning how to relax and rest….how to just breathe again.  Most of that 1st year (2017) was healing, restoration and learning how to have a one-on-one, intimate and personal relationship with Jesus.  I had been saved for many years, but I didn’t know that I could, or that it was even possible, to get so close to the Lord, or that He even wanted that from us.  I knew Him as Savior only before that.

Year 2 (2018), was filled with tests, trials and tribulations, most of which were against my mind and emotions.  And that’s how the devil operates.  However, I wasn’t prepared for these because I wasn’t expecting them.  That’s no excuse by any means, I just hadn’t thought much about satan, our enemy, coming and trying to knock me down, because I hadn’t studied those scriptures for quite some time.  But it got so bad at one point, or a better way to say it, it got so loud in my mind and emotions that it seemed all I could do was just hunker down and ride through it.  And suddenly, when it seemed all was quiet, I felt like I was sitting in the middle of the rubble of a tornado wondering what happened! I began to doubt everything that I thought, knew or heard from the Lord. I even doubted my wonderful experiences with Him.

I had a lot, A LOT, of questions afterwards! But I didn’t know what to ask.  I thought that maybe I brought this on because I messed up somewhere.  Yet, the Lord Jesus has been so gracious and kind, as He always is, to help me through it all little by little.  What I mean by that is He helped me sort it all out a chunk at a time in a way I could handle it, and not be overwhelmed. And He continues to do so.

So back to Sunday afternoon, to start He had me pull out my journal that I had started when I moved here to where I am now. He said to read through everything I wrote from start to where I left off in it. Then He had me continue on into all the other things and words He spoke to me in my spiral notebook up to the most current thing I wrote. (Thank You Jesus for leading me to write down all these things). It was quite something to read through everything, especially what I wrote during those times of tests, trials and tribulations.  All the stuff that I had begun to doubt earlier, I realized that God had confirmed most all of it in other ways. He also answered many questions that I had that I never really asked Him specifically.

What He showed me was that He had been helping me all along. And He has also been teaching me the things I didn’t know before.  But most of all, He has showed me that He has never left me or forsaken me. And that He never will….EVER!  When things got crazy, if you will, the devil tried to get me to believe it was all my fault and that God was mad at me.  But praise God, that is simply not true whatsoever!  God IS Love! And 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us how Love acts….how God is.

Thinking back to that first day, and first few weeks, I was overweight, depressed, and I had no clue who I was or who God created me to be.  I realized that I never did know.  I spent my life trying to be what I thought everyone else expected me to be. I was a people pleaser through and through.  The difference in me between then and now is amazing to me.  I’m not overweight anymore, and I didn’t even try to lose weight….it just came off. I’m not depressed anymore. I feel so much more free and lighter on the inside, too.  God is so awesome!!! He truly, truly is good. And His mercy truly, truly does endure forever! I love my Father God and my Lord Jesus so much!

And you know what? My Father loves you, too….yes you!  He sent Jesus to be the one and only sacrifice just for you. And Jesus did it willingly. Why? Love! Love is why. Love gives. Love does not demand, and love does not condemn. It does not matter what you’ve done or where you’ve been.  Satan tried to get me to believe I was not loved, but he’s a liar!!!!! I am loved and so are you!  I haven’t met you yet, but I love you. But most importantly, God loves you! Believe it today!